Fifth Grade Came Up in Therapy Decades Later

Fifth grade did something to my confidence that took me decades to repair, and I’ve talked about that teacher with my therapist as an adult.

The year before, I had Mr. Kovacs, my first male teacher, and his voice was one I could actually hear without much trouble. I did well that year, I liked going to school, and I felt capable for once. Fourth grade was proof that when the room happened to line up with my hearing, I could do just fine.

Then I got to fifth grade and landed with a teacher who was clearly coasting toward retirement. She’d openly mention having taught for thirty years, and she had no patience for me or for any of the other kids. The warmth I’d just had with Mr. Kovacs was gone, replaced by someone who acted like we were an inconvenience.

I was already dealing with hearing loss and bullying and the daily weight of being the different kid, and now the adult in charge of the room made me feel like a burden on top of all of it. I don’t remember the specific moments anymore. What stuck with me is the feeling of being small and dismissed and not worth the effort, and the whiplash between a teacher who saw something in me and one who couldn’t be bothered.

That’s how I know the damage was real, because it surfaced in therapy decades later when I was working through confidence and whether I’m actually capable. Not every adult in a kid’s life helps them. A teacher counting down the days to retirement might not mean any harm, but the kid in that room is counting on them for something they’ll never get back.

#LLHearingMyStory #HearingLoss